All Rise!! The Un-honorable Judge is Here!

December 26, 2017

I confess, I can be very judgmental;

It’s a reflex, as soon as I meet someone, I judge them.

I can see my brain absorbing all the information at once; what I am seeing, feeling, smelling or hearing;

Then I get handed a report. And sometimes, I ain’t looking good, this person is: sloppy, trustworthy, arrogant, tries too hard, cannot be trusted and so on.

I can now hear in my head: judging is bad, when you judge others, you’re cutting out any opportunities to connect; did you give them a chance at least?

You’re too harsh; who do you think you are?

You should be neutral.

Don’t take sides. When you take sides, you are judging and labeling good and bad.

 

Neutral or Passive?

There is much wisdom in choosing to remain neutral; it could be because we understand and not necessarily condone each or both side; it could be because we feel dialogue is a healthy way of advancing ideas, projects, or just taking democracy to the next step.

And then there are these times when we decide that we cannot be judging people;

Because spiritual people don’t judge,

Good people don’t judge,

God fearing and

God loving, rich, poor people don’t take sides;

Or when we stay on the sideline out of fear that expressing our opinion will actually expose us; these are precisely the times when we are actually hurting ourselves. We are limiting ourselves, taking ourselves out of the flow of life, of thoughts or out of a dynamic.

Refusing to look at something out of fear of becoming judgmental or being exposed is just denying ourselves the experience of belonging and that we matter too.

We get congruent with ourselves and with the society and community in which we live when we start examining our behaviors, our thought processes; when we have worked on our triggers and what’s behind them, the fears, or these shadow parts of ourselves that we are ignoring.

Once we have come clean with ourselves, then we can start assessing situations without judging and labeling.

It is that King Salomon neutral position where all sides can coexist, not necessarily in harmony.

Democracies need respectful debates to evolve; when we can then decide to stand up for what’s important to us.

 

Get up, Stand Up, Fight For Your Rights

For peace, for harmony, for the respect of human rights and dignity, for animal rights rather than battling against; battling against generally ends up against another human being, hating them because we don’t agree with their ideas or their lifestyles.

That’s how from simple judgments we become intolerant, and this is where trouble is, intolerance exists, it’s a human reality, but it is one of those shadows that we need to get out of our systems, bodies and societies alike.

 

Know Thyself

When I observed what triggers discomfort and hence judgment from my side, I become aware that what I judge in others are all these parts in me that I have trouble accepting, because somehow I am supposed to be perfect. And that means that I cannot be sloppy, lazy, aloof, controlling, avoiding and not caring.

Wanting to be perfect is about wanting to be accepted, being flawless, in a society where certain members can be quick to reject others because of their race, ethnicity, religion, ideas or appearances.

It’s about wanting to fit in at all costs because it’s easier to control oneself as opposed to controlling other people’s reactions, their thoughts, who they accept or don’t.   

The late Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “what other people think of me is none of my business.” By extension, what I think of them is my problem to solve. What I think of myself is something that I need to take care of.

When I feel so insufficient as a human being, when I want so badly to belong and be accepted that I am forcing myself into this uncomfortable and ill-fitting role, I am making myself miserable.

I am running constantly after the illusion that I got it all under control.

It’s pure madness.

So what about giving myself and others a break? I don’t know what that person is going through, I don’t know what’s behind their thoughts and their behaviors, nor do I expect them to know what’s behind mine.

Acceptance of self and others is a path that is often talked about and sometimes ignored; we all have a degree of addiction to being right.

The path of living with harmony with ourselves and the rest of humanity is definitely one worth exploring. The new frontier…

 

Do you like this post? I would love to hear your thoughts, email me at mayda@maydapoccoaching.com or contact me here and receive my Guide to Your Serenity at Work

 


Going Further

The late Wayne Dyer’s website:

“What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.”

– Dr. Wayne Dyer

 

Martin Niemöller

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

 

People are People by Depeche Mode